Total Immersion Therapy

I love to read. I recently read the Dickens Inn series by Anita Stansfield.

In this series, Agent Jackson Leeds was beaten and abused as a child, by his father. He grew up to spend years in the marines, and also as an FBI agent. Toward the end of his career as an agent, (and just after overcoming his addiction to alcohol) he was abducted by drug lords in South America, and came back with severe, severe, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He got counseling and went on his merry way, only to discover that he was still suffering the effects of his ordeal, to a sever enough disagree that one day he drove himself to the hospital and checked himself into the psych ward.

While in the psych ward, a doctor talked with him and decided to put him through total immersion therapy. This involved staying in one room for several days. The doctor stayed with him for the first few. Because Jackson had difficulty dealing with darkness, the first day or two the lights were on all day, and turned off at night. During the night when he suffered his terribly nightmares, the doctor was there to help him deal with it. Gradually, the room was dark for longer and longer periods of time, until Jackson was able to stay in a completely dark room for 2 full days, without the doctor there.

As I read the story, I wished so badly that I could just go check myself in somewhere and not leave until I was free from this horrible addiction that has its painful clutches in me. But even if there were somewhere I could go, and money wasn't an object, what about my husband and kids? What about my job, my life, my calling? I am definitely in no position in life right now where I can just disappear for a while. But I desperately wished I could. I try, and I try, and I try, and I try, and I commit to myself over and over and over again, only to fall flat on my face. And for what? Lousy food. Are you kidding me? Why? Why in the world does food have such power over me? WHY???

Where is my total immersion therapy? It's not like I can just quit eating for the rest of my life. So what can I do? Where can I turn? What is going to finally help me?

I have prayed. And prayed. And prayed. I went to the temple specifically for strength to do--what, exactly, I didn't know. There didn't seem to be an answer for me. At least, not one I knew of yet. And truly, this kind of deal is not something that can be fixed quickly or easily. Digging deep and figuring stuff out is hard. And time consuming. And painful. But it has to be, if it's going to be real.